I’ll never learn!

So, it’s happened again! Yet another disappointing encounter with a man. I am sure women can be equally as disappointing but as I have very limited experience with women, I can only  speak from what I know and what I have come to learn, and that is, it is extremely difficult to meet a man that can live by a simple rule I have set my standards by. If you wouldn’t like it done to you, don’t do it to others. Something we are all taught in some way or another as a child, or at least used to be. Something very simple. Yet this is not so simple to apply to life for all. I would like to challenge people to consider, what the person you are about to screw over, might have already been through, and how your actions may impact that person’s life.  Because lets face it, our actions will impact in some way, but to what degree differs in each situation.

I have rarely met a man that I have dated, gone out with or hooked up with, that hasn’t been an ass in some way or another. On this occasion, I made the mistake of thinking that because this fella was a friend, he would have respect for me and treat me with basic common courtesies. I was very wrong. Not only must I accept the fact that I have been screwed over again, (which is a sore spot for me, as I really have had enough and it is pretty soul destroying and contorts my view of men and trusting people even further), but I also have the joys of been excluded and treated differently by certain mutual friends. Not because of my actions, but because of his. He lets me down and it’s me who pays the price. Not that I would expect my friends to take sides, or get involved. Quite the opposite. I want it to be left between me and him, no drama or bullshit. But instead I’m ignored and excluded. Invites for coffee or to attend a night out suddenly stop. When I finally go out in town to meet some friends, I am excluded from conversations and left stood on my own as everyone goes out for a smoke on more than a few occasions. Luckily for me there was some more mature friends who were out that night, and surprisingly it was the people I knew less that extended a friendly welcome and made sure not to exclude me. I know people have had their excuses and have their reasons, but all I can think is “I wouldn’t do it to you”. It has opened my eyes again as to who my true friends are and I will re-access and rearrange my priorities, as I have sadly had to do on more than one occasion. Luckily, I still have some very good friends. Some who have done very well not to treat either parties differently and I am glad for this. If only all friends could be as reliable and mature, but hopefully I will learn my lesson someday. Unfortunately, the only way it seems possible for me to stop feeling I’ve been taken advantage of and to stop feeling like someone who clearly deserves to be treated like shit, (because why else would it keep happening?) is to distance myself from people completely, because how else are you to know the good from the bad? There’s no easy way of knowing and my resilient & forgiving nature and positive attitude can only survive so much. It never really matters how little or how much the person who screws you over means to you. It still leaves a mark, a reminder of how stupid you were to trust someone and believe their bullshit. They could be a brief fling or a long-term boyfriend, each time I can’t help but question why? I’m told it’s not me, it’s them, they should be the ones feeling shit and who deserve to be treated badly, when they can’t treat people right, and I get what they are saying, but human nature means I still question myself and that’s not fair! because I know I’m not a bad person. I certainly don’t deserve to be cheated on when I’m loyal to you, lied to when I’ve shown you nothing but respect, messed around and manipulated when I’ve been nothing but forth coming and honest. All I’m asking for is the same in return, and if you can’t do that, please just leave me alone. Because I really have had enough and someday I will give up.